Oh the places you'll go!

"It's gone." May 22nd, 2018  6:00 am  May 1st, 2018, I had a hunch that I was pregnant when I was eating cheese ravioli few nights before. I felt sick when I was eating it and that was unusual because who doesn't love ravioli? Obviously I did. So I searched for my pregnancy test in one of the moving boxes. (I JUST moved to Chicago from Corpus Christi) Grabbed a cup and peed in it, then put the stick in the cup for few seconds and I put the stick face down on the bathroom counter and left. The feeling of getting a positive test was terrifying but exciting, and the feeling of getting a negative was also a relief but upsetting. I came back knowing it was going to be negative so I picked it up and saw two pink stripes. For the first time since Nick and I got married, I FINALLY got pregnant after what I thought was impossible. Instantly the wave of emotions hit me; excitement, fear, joy, anxiety, blessed and worried. But it was mostly excitement because I fina...

I'm stuck.  I want to move but I can't, I feel like my body is in a tar pit and cannot get out nor move.  My body wants out, my head doesn't.  Being depressed fucking sucks. It consumes all of your happiness, energy and worse of all, your identity. I cannot even remember what my life was before I got depressed, at all. I cannot remember the person I was before depression snuck in and destroyed me. I think it started after I called the police on my ex boyfriend after being bullied, controlled, abused mentally, physically and emotionally from him. Going to court to get a restraining order from him and going to court to testify against him and also by going to the same high school with him when it all happened. Then I was off to college in Rochester, New York and I do remember "seeing him" on campus thinking he was here to kill me. But he wasn't there at all. My mind tricked me. Then I was beginning to lose myself or I was already lost, I don...

Today is my birthday.  4 more years until I hit 30.  24 more years until I hit 50.  It's weird how time works and how incredibly fast time flies. The birthdays I remember is back home in the suburbs of northern Chicago, in the brutal summer haze of humidity. Every morning on my birthday, my room would be filled with balloons and I would wake up in a sweat, even though my bedroom fan is running and my window is open with summer breeze whisking in. I roll out of bed and head downstairs, seeing my parents and my sister hustling and bustling around in the kitchen making breakfast (my favorite). Dad would master the flip of the pancake so perfectly you would think it's a plastic pancake for display. Mom would flip the bacon with grease splattering on her piggy apron she has on. My sister would be either watching cartoons or help setting up the table. My two dogs, Buster (died in 9/3/14) and Spike would be wagging their tails to greet me. Breakfast would be rea...

It was a lazy Saturday when I came across a DIY cat hammock, I have two cats of my own that are my first pet to own. I'm now a full time cat-mommy to two adorable 8 months old kittens. They're both siblings and I have one boy and his name is Leo and I have a girl named Elodie, they're both tabby cats and they bring me love everyday <3 ANYWAYS, back to my DIY cat hammock I stumbled upon on Pinterest. My cats LOVE to look out at the window and they also love to sleep somewhere that is warm and soft. I went to Home Depot with my hubby and got 3/4 inch PVC pipe, I got one but realized later that it wasn't enough to complete assembling but get two when you go! It doesn't really matter what size of PVC pipes you get, I went with 3/4 because it was sturdy enough to hold two kittens, 1 inch pipe is another great way to use the cat hammock. I also got four 3 way elbows to connect the pipes together and I also got four 3/4 in. x 1/2 in. reducer male adapter to connec...

I'm married and...  I kept my last name. "Wait, WHAT?! You're supposed to change your last name when you're married!" "You're so selfish to keep your last name!" "You're stupid to do that!" "It's so wrong to keep your last name, people will think you're not married." "It's not the right thing to do when you're married." Yeah, I know, big fucking deal. I kept my last name but I have many acceptable reasons why I kept my last name.  I knew I didn't want to change my last name before I got married. It wasn't because of what other people were doing, it was because it was what I wanted to do. You see, I was raised to do what was right, and if I did something wrong, I would be shamed for it. With women out there like me that is wanting to keep their maiden name when they get married, they will get shamed for it, no matter what. We always will be shamed for what...

Marriage is just a piece of paper with a fancy stamp on it. It doesn’t have a manual of how marriage actually works. There will be ups and downs, fights or no fights, sleeping together or sleeping in separated rooms, laughter or tears, love or no love. I myself recently got married in July 2015 in Gulf Shores, Alabama (Gorgeous place I have to admit!) and 5 months later, I already feel like it’s falling apart. I feel so overwhelmed with trying to keep this marriage together and it’s frustrating. Marriage is extremely hard work, there are so many compromises you’ll need to do and so many things you didn’t even know before you married your spouse. Our first fight was a couple nights after the wedding and it was about not changing my last name. I told him weeks before getting married that I didn’t want to change my last name because I felt it was wrong to just change my last name for him. (I plan to do another blog about not changing my last name, don’t worry though!) Eventually...