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Ups and Downs of Marriage

Marriage is just a piece of paper with a fancy stamp on it. It doesn’t have a manual of how marriage actually works. There will be ups and downs, fights or no fights, sleeping together or sleeping in separated rooms, laughter or tears, love or no love.

I myself recently got married in July 2015 in Gulf Shores, Alabama (Gorgeous place I have to admit!) and 5 months later, I already feel like it’s falling apart. I feel so overwhelmed with trying to keep this marriage together and it’s frustrating. Marriage is extremely hard work, there are so many compromises you’ll need to do and so many things you didn’t even know before you married your spouse.

Our first fight was a couple nights after the wedding and it was about not changing my last name. I told him weeks before getting married that I didn’t want to change my last name because I felt it was wrong to just change my last name for him. (I plan to do another blog about not changing my last name, don’t worry though!) Eventually, he got to the idea that I won’t change my name so that was solved.

We fought more down the road, but we still slept in one bed, we still had dinners together, we still did things together as coaching little girls’ softball. But I felt the chemistry we had is gone. The man I met two years ago was so focused on me, made sure I was over the moon, spoiled me whenever he wanted to, he was all ears when I talked to him like girlfriends gossip over wine and I loved that. The man today is focused in hockey (which he loves and I’m not going to stop him from playing) and hanging out with his friends and making me his last priority. He no longer listened to me and whenever I tried to talk to him, it would go in one ear and out in the other ear. It got to a point where I just stopped talking him. I no longer felt wanted, felt loved, I no longer got flowers or little things that made me felt loved by this man. It killed me. I was silently screaming right in front of him that I’m right here, I want you to love me like you did before.

I tried telling him and giving him clues but he never got it. He was losing me and I was losing him but I was determined not to let that happen because I was in love with him, regardless of who he is. I so badly tried to figure out how to bring the man that I loved two years ago back.

Last weekend was a huge turning point in our relationship and it was the worst fight we’ve had. There were so many tears and raised voices when we talked. Something he did on Friday was my final line and it was my last chance to make him listen. I told him how I felt and how he treated me was wrong. I told him that I don’t talk to him anymore because he doesn’t listen. I told him that I hated being treated as his last priority, I told him that I hated having him come home and go right back out to do his things. I told him I no longer felt loved by him. I told him that I am determined to work this out only if he is determined too.

Marriage is a bitch. It is not easy as everyone thinks and there is and will always be ups and downs. If you love your spouse as much as I do and you’re willing to fight for your marriage, I applaud you. Some would just give up so easily and they’re going to lose the best thing they ever had. I don’t ever want to lose what I have and I will fight for my marriage, day by day. We both will roll up our sleeves and tell each other that we both got this and we CAN do it.


 I absolutely love my husband for who he is and it will never change.

7/23/15 <3



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